she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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