therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
