Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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