What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
