Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
COCAINE IS GR8
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
