dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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