Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
