in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
