why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
3 2 1 whiskey
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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