you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
