Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
