I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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