To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
