you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize