The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
