I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
