u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
