i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
