Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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