is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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