We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
