Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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