and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
