Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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