my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize