I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
