I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
