You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I could fuck to npr.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
