I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
