So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize