You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
