She's JV to your varsity
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
