They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
