I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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