ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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