I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
