Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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