I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
