Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
