when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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