how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize