Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
