Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
