the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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