I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
