I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
