where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
