tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
should my penis look like a turkey
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize