It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
