I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
