it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were trust falling into bushes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
