I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
