The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
