You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
