Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
