Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
