The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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