It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
