i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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