He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
