So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you had me at cake vodka
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
