Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
