Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
