Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can I color on your dick again?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
