I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize