hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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