I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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